Guilty of Neglect

I am once again guilty of gross neglect. Can it really be that more than a month has passed before I wrote anything down about the journey I am on? I will beg your indulgence here and say that it was the fact that Easter Sunday came somewhere in all of that, and work is picking back up, and the demands of life as the snow disappears and yard work appears is greater. But deep inside I know that the real reason is that I did not have anything worth recording. And this is why. In all of my personal spiritual journey I have never felt so unsure of where the heck I am headed. After thirty some years all I have is questions and very few satisfying answers. How does one walk so long holding certain things to be self evident and true, and then suddenly, as if a veil was drawn back, see all of those things in a different light and from a different perspective? In the old days I would have simply been apostate, but what is the difference between an apostate and a seeker? I think they share a lot in common. I am not saying that the old answers are untrue, I am just saying that they don't really answer the questions I have fully and I really have not found a resting place yet where that satisfaction can be found. I guess that's how I know I have not yet crossed that apostate line, I think someone who is apostate asks the questions but finally stops caring about the answers and just leaves it all behind rejecting it wholesale. I need to do something to sort this out, but I am still not sure what that is. More on this later.