I am in the midst of my own slightly past mid-life crisis as I confront the biblical ideal versus the day to day reality of my spiritual journey. I think everyone comes face to face with this crisis point more than once in their journey. The biblical ideal constantly bombards me as I listen to Christian radio, to bible preachers with a secure ministry, and to those whose lives are pretty well settled out and secure and love to remind me that God has a wonderful plan for my life and I just need to wait on His perfect timing and way. But what I struggle with is this internal conflict. I believe with all my heart that I have been given the spiritual gift of preaching and teaching, that I can cut to the heart of the biblical text and proclaim it in an understandable and powerful way. This is not an inflated view of myself, too much external confirmation from unrelated third parties has proven it over the last decades of practice. I further acknowledge that such gifts are part of the work of the Holy Spirit, a charisma from God. But here is where the conflict begins. I face the question daily of why God would make me thus and so and then not also give me opportunities to use the gift He so obviously put within me. I am not arguing with the potter about why He made me this way, I'm just asking why He made me this way and then has put me in the back of the storeroom to gather dust.
My spiritual friends counsel me to wait on God's perfect timing, but my heart tells me to pursue options, to not wait for a door to open but to knock on any door that I happen to see in front of me that has a chance to open. It must be nice to have your life's vocation fully match your spiritual expectations. I am not yet there myself.
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