What Matters Most?

Last post for today as I finally get through the list of random thoughts and questions I constantly jot down in a little notebook in my pocket.  Today's question sounds a lot like others I have asked, but with its own particular twist.  "What matters most, that we believe, or that we love?"  You can see where this is going.  It cuts right to the heart of that lasting struggle between truth and mercy.  But why should such a struggle even occur in the Church of Jesus Christ?  Why does it seem like the latest trend within the churches in my geographic region is a return to legalism based on an absolute (meaning our version is right) truth and building walls where there ought to be none?  Suddenly their version of Christianity does not seems so much like good news as in "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me for He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free."

Truth is a bludgeon, no one can stand before Moses when he starts swinging those tablets.  But Jesus came for freedom's sake and in Him mercy meets truth on an even plane, the righteous demands of a holy God embrace peace in a holy union.  That is good news, much better than the standard fare of hoop jumping or dogma collecting that is common in so many churches.  For the record, it matters most to me that I love even when it conflicts inside of me with what I believe is the truth in any matter.  I guess I'd rather give account before God that I loved too much instead of that I believed zealously.

An Observation on Evangelicalism and Republicanism

This is a random thought that has popped into my head as I watched a slick trailer in church for the National Day of Prayer (did you know it had a trailer complete with a rousing soundtrack, Mount Rushmore, the US constitution, quotes from the founding fathers, a fire-side family praying, and a movie like "save this date" type of ending), and then later listened to countless broadcasts about the NDP on Christian radio.  This is an observation only, I have no comment on it and no theological insight on it except to note it is sometimes hard to see where evangelicalism ends and political agenda begins.  I noticed that certain evangelicals have now filled out the "trinity" of national prayer causes.  To the survival and strengthening of the family, and the overthrow of abortion on demand, they have now added prayers for the upholding of our military forces.  It is at this point that I clamp down on my tongue, or more accurately force my fingers to stop typing.  Observation only, I don't know what I think about that trend yet.  How about you?

Lord, You Know that I Love You

Some Sundays ago in Eastertide we read the account in John's gospel about Jesus confronting Peter three times about whether Peter really loved Him or not.  I ask myself that same question a lot, in different ways and times, but all boiling down to the same question, "Do I really love Jesus in a way that leads to a life that is lived in accordance with what I believe He would have me do?" Or is my whole life just a religious facade that I have cobbled together over the years, borrowing a little from this denomination, incorporating a little from that church, and so on?  I honestly don't know.  Let me give you an example to illustrate.

Some of the most profound worship songs that I have ever heard -- you know those songs, the ones that tug your heart, bring tears to your eyes, and through the tears help you to see light like you have never seen it --, well those songs were written by habitual sinners, drunkards in my particular story.  People who knew the power of God in a way that many of us cannot relate to because they spent so much of their life making a mockery of everything they held sacred and yet, even at the lowest points, knowing that God loved them even then.  And while drinking does not tend to be my personal demon, I have others that I wrestle with, we all do; things that are secret, things that remain hidden, tendencies that cannot be indulged because of what follows.  And so when Jesus asks me if I love Him, how do I answer?  I can give Him the biblically correct answer, but when I start to speak all of my failure and wasted life gets replayed in my mind and the answer dies on my lips.  Imagine Peter wilting under this interrogation.  The man who three times betrayed Jesus only days before is now asked whether He loves this Jesus who stands before Him.  I've been there too, I think you have as well.   But the struggle of Peter to answer finally breaks through, and I lay hold of it as well and make it my own.  I don't know if I love You as I ought, my life certainly has not reflected the reality of that type of relationship; but You know that I love You, otherwise You would not be standing in front of me and asking me these questions.  You can look beyond my weakness, my constant and consistent failure, and my wishy-washiness where my own eyes always get stuck to see eternity set in my soul, and in Your eyes I see that You know that I love You.  When the Son sets you free, you are finally free indeed!

What's the Point?

I used to think that church on Sunday sometimes was uneventful at best.  The people are great, but the entire congregation is stuck in a confederation that is 50 or 60 years old and no longer fits their current demographics, and they have inherited a liturgy that is sacrosanct and not easy to change.  So there is a lot of up and downs in the pews, and 200 year old songs stuck here and there, and forms that can never be wavered from.  It makes one think "What would happen if the Holy Spirit really did show up as everyone prays and blew wherever He chose to do so?"  But there is the benefit of reflection, both inward and Godward, and I get my best questions in the pews, rarely answers, just many, many questions.  And I find that the closer I get to asking the right questions, the closer I feel I am getting to laying hold of who God is, who I am because of Him, and what my life is intended to amount to.

So last week's questions included this one.  What is a better starting point for trying to live the Christian life, absolute truth or sincere doubt?  Anything needs a foundation to build on and I have always been told that the truth of God's word was the very best foundation for my life.  And because it was my foundation I defended it to any length necessary, because if the foundation starts to get shaky, so does what is built on it.  But I found, as I have aged and journeyed, that when people exhort you to build your life on the solid rock of God's word they usually have an implied version of interpreting God's word that they are foisting wholesale on you.  And that is when good solid granite gets mixed in with cheap brick to fill in those inconvenient areas, and that leads to a foundation with gaps, weak spots, places where water tends to seep in.  So I ask the question again, what is a better starting point?  Should we cling to our version of absolute truth and defend it to the death, often against common sense or the witness of life itself?  Or should we have the decency and honesty to say, "I don't know" and come to God with the prayer of the honest man who said "Lord, I believe, but would you help my me where I cannot believe"?  My life has tended to follow the latter path.  By now I should have amassed a wondrous amount of wisdom but instead I have a notebook of questions that one by one I wrestle with.  Some I bring to resolution, others I set aside for a time.  The sad fact is that is is far easier to learn something right the first time then to have to unlearn something that habit and time have reinforced.  Renovations, rebuilding, correcting structural defects are always more expensive in terms of time, resources, and energy.  But I've stayed the course this far and I don't intend to abandon the journey.  Rather fixing my eyes on Jesus, I press forward.  He is the one that started what faith I have inside me and He is the only one that can bring it to any fulfillment.